We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
