hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
