Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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