Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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