I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
