No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
