The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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