I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
