she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
