my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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