2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
