i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
