Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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