After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
