he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
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