My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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