This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize