who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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