hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
