You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
