I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
