Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
