I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
