i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
