The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
