his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
