Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
