i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
