It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
