Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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