you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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