mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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