My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
