You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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