I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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