remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
