Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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