waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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