Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize