Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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