where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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