don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
