Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
