After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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