he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Randomize
