Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize