I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
