I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
