My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
