Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize