I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Four minutes until I can fart!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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