Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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