Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
