i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I take back everything I said about communal showers
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
