I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
