So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
