Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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