I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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