Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize