you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
