tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
