I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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