I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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