you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
