His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
