there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
