afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Vodka?
Forever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
