wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we're making bets on your personal life
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
