I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
