remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
