You're my little dorito
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize