Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
